Then and Now

I was sat here
Without you
I was filled with fear
And I didn’t know what to do

When you died
I died too
Weak and broken I tried
To follow you

I didn’t want to feel
The way I did anymore
I begged “Please don’t let this be real!
Please let my life be like it was before!”

Without you I was lost
Within a maze fraught with sadness and pain
My sanity was the cost
In order to start again
****

Without you to help navigate
It was not an easy road
My lack of knowledge on me did grate
Without your reassuring highway code

I wished I could see you
To know you were alright
I really needed you
To will me not to give up this fight

I needed a sign
I needed to know
That you were indeed fine
Instead of hearing yet another imagined echo

If you had a look
You would’ve found
That without your love’s hook
My heart and mind unwound
****

That was then
And this is now
My days are beginning to brighten
I’m just living, somehow

I know that in time
I’ll be with you again
Then everything will once again be divine
As I’ll be with my soul mate and free from this pain


© Toni Higgs 25/01/11