Twist - a haiku (written 28/08/10)

Heart already weak
They go and stab the knife in
Heart is now broken


© Toni Higgs 28/08/10

Need - a haiku (written 26/08/10)

Losing to madness
Still craving for the answer
This is killing me


© Toni Higgs 26/08/10

To Gina

Just a little something I came up with as a thank you to Gina Zavalis - Thank you so much *hugs*

TO GINA

I picture you writing
With tears in your eyes
While you open up your heart
For us all to hear

I can’t help but feel
Your music reach for me
And when I feel all alone
I know where you will be

Your music comforts me
While I am here, lost
Longing to be with the one I love
Your songs make me feel free

So while I’m
Paralysed, confused and frozen
You are stopping me from fading away
While I’m waiting for my time to go home

You help me stop
And focus on every breath
To help me keep my solemn promise to my love
And soothe me as I give my heart a fighting chance


© Toni Higgs 25/08/10

* text in blue are titles of Gina's songs

The Letter (1170)

This is my story, I was able to write it after listening to Gina Zavalis' self titled debut album...so thank you Gina :)

THE LETTER (1170)

To see the world through your eyes Is something I am longing for
All this waiting sometimes feels too much
But I could never break my promise to you
One broken heart is enough

If this pain was due to anything else
I’d completely crumble
But I take it and take it gladly
As it’s the only proof that
What we shared
Was once a reality
And not just a long
Forgotten dream
Or worse
A fantasy

I remember back a decade
To when we first met
I was almost eighteen
And you were fourteen
You told me it was love at first sight
A love that happened by chance
A love that came at the right time
A love that I wouldn’t have changed
Had I seen what the future held for us

You were wise beyond your years
And neither of us cared for our disabilities
Or what anyone else thought
We knew what we felt for each other
Even if we couldn’t see
What we saw in each other
Our love was definitely real

We supported each other
Through the good and the bad
You gave me a sense of purpose
You made me feel needed
Instead of the one doing all the needing
And judging by how often
You text me and
How quickly you panicked
I think I did the same
For you

Three years passed
And our love was still strong
Then one night
The reaper visited your dreams
And stole you away
And that night
Became the beginning
Of your body’s
Eternal rest

Shocked and stunned
I couldn’t
Believe
That you
Were
Gone
My world
That day
Was shattered
I couldn’t
Understand why
You had
To die
So young
At just
Seventeen

It felt like nothing
Could soothe my pain
I was pinning my hopes
On your post mortem
Only to be crushed again
When even that
Held no answers
So I was left
Eternally wondering
Eternally asking
Why

The next blow came
With your funeral
As forgotten was
My 21st birthday
Instead of celebrations
Only commiserations
As I lost much
More than you
I left my heart
There with you
As you are
The only one
I knew it’d be
Safe with

Seven years have past
Since you were taken from me
Still no answers
Still asking why
I know this need
Is slowly killing me
But I died with you
Except my
Body and mind are still
Alive

There are times
You feel so close
I try to
Reach for you
And I know you
Can see me
Those times
Both comfort me
Yet tease me
A reminder
That I am here
On Earth while
You’re free
As a bird
But don’t stop
Coming, please
I wouldn’t want
To be
Totally without
You

So through
Tear-stained glasses
I write this
To let you know
That until
It’s my time
I promise to live on
Let fate take control
And live for
Both of us
Safe in the knowledge
That you are
Keeping a promise too
The promise
To wait
For
Me


© Toni Higgs 25/08/10

Heart & Mind

I know my need for you
Will only harm to me do
That much I can see
As you’ve not completely blinded me
I try to fight the urge
My need for you I badly want to purge

But with this spell cast by you
I’m powerless to anything do

CHORUS
My need for you
Has invaded my brain
You are so close
To driving me insane

You have gained
Possession of my soul
So you’re quickly becoming
My life’s one and only goal

I know you’re just tearing me apart
Creating an even bigger hole in my heart
I really do kick myself
For not being able to put my need of you neatly away on a shelf
With you I am beguiled
Even though you’re driving me wild

I’ve honestly tried my best
But without you I can’t rest

CHORUS x2

I think you’ll find
You’ve caused a war between my heart and mind


© Toni Higgs 24/08/10

Heart of Destruction

Black smothers my heart
Suffocating it
Then all it takes
Is one little thing
To smash
My now brittle heart
To smithereens

Shards now free
The air from my lungs
Subjecting them to
A shared fate

Not content on
Robbing me of air
The shards of my heart
Tear through
My entire body
Searing pain
Like thousands of
Red hot pokers
Burning through me
At once

Eventually
The pieces of my heart
Pierce through
My skin
And fall
To the floor

I’m broken
And I’m bloody
Cut to pieces
By my own
Broken heart

Shaking from
The shock
Breathless from
The pain
I look at the mess
Before my eyes
And wonder how
I can possibly
Rebuild myself again

© Toni Higgs 13/08/10