*Contains Strong Language*
SIT (MUST HEAR ABOUT TIM)
Let me introduce you to Tim Minchin
He plays piano and oh, I’d better mention
On his behalf
That he writes songs which should make you laugh
So come and give this Aussie guy a go
He’s always eager to say hello
He would like you to relax and put up your feet
While he entertains you with a musical comedy treat
Even though he may ask “Are you ready for this?”
I assure you this is a show you’ll be glad you didn’t miss
****
His opening number may seem a bit weird albeit still fun
But it is his way of creating a sense of excited anticipation
To give you a taster of what’s to come
And let’s not forget; throw in a little audience participation
Like every artist he has a particular key
That he tackles most proficiently
He likes playing instruments in F. It warms the very cockles of his heart
But he finds it easier to sing in F sharp.
I’ve just got to say that I think he is so fucking rock
To sing about controversial things such as religion and nuns who need cock
But you know what I recently heard?
He thinks of himself as a fucked-up, little, try-hard, wannabe rock 'n' roll nerd
As much as he hates to admit it, he’s just a normal guy too
He sings of his “Inflatable You”
He loves to have a private party
With his synthetic Felicity
And he also has one wish
That he hadn’t written about his favourite but intimately private fetish
It’s not the only time that his creativity has led
To him revealing more than he’d originally intended
While singing about his thoughts on women’s rights
His inner bloke to break out, fights
And in the end there is no choice but, on to breasts, the subject must now go
Which leads Tim to confess “Fuck, I love boobs though.”
He also has a habit of concealing his anger and other emotions
They build up and then away with him, his mouth runs
He was once told to express himself through poetry
But ultimately (secretly) he thinks that is poofy
[Shit…maybe Ah shouldnae gie this tae him…
Ah fuck it…If nout else it should (hopefully) at least make him grin]
He has been told that time heals every wound
But there is one particular issue over which, three years later Tim is still tightly wound
Time can’t make this atrocity turn to dust
What is it? A horrible first ever press review by one shit-faced, pretentious cunt who goes by the name of Phil Daoust
[Ah’ve read it
What a pile o utter shit!!
Oh…Ah bet he thought he wis being a real bright spark
An’ that by writing that slanderous, crap excuse fir a review that he would stop this new talent frae making his mark]
He also encountered this stockbroker
Who saw himself as a bit of a joker
He bragged to Tim about all the riches and wonders he had
Which slowly made our flame-haired friend go mad
[Ah shouldnae whinge…
But Ah dinnae hae a tinge o the ginge
An’ Tim says “Only a ginger
can call another ginger ginger”…]
And he ended up with a fine for aggravated assault
On a wealthy, wealthy man with a 1981 Mitsubishi Colt
It’s not just anger that will make him shout
He’ll stand his ground on anything he’s passionate about
You will however, find
He’s not the most open of mind
He may appear insensitive or even aloof
But he’s just a guy that believes in things once, for which there is proof
Psychics, alternative medicine and God are all in there
Of spirits, an afterlife and love at first sight his scepticism, he does also declare
[Oh my!! He’s gonna think Ah’m a nutcase
Ah’m gonna shut up noo in order tae save face…
But if he ever had a bit o time tae spare Ah think it would be fun
tae hae wi him a stimulating, intelligent conversation]
He has also been known to judge a book by its cover
When, while at a dinner party he met a woman like no other
Beautiful, with sleek black hair
She sat at the table from where
Tim could see the tip of a tattoo just above her derrière
And on the mention of her star sign, Tim’s fair judgement vow took the second floor window out of there
Let me introduce you to Tim Minchin
He plays piano and oh, I’d better mention
On his behalf
That he writes songs which should make you laugh
So come and give this Aussie guy a go
He’s always eager to say hello
He would like you to relax and put up your feet
While he entertains you with a musical comedy treat
Even though he may ask “Are you ready for this?”
I assure you this is a show you’ll be glad you didn’t miss
****
His opening number may seem a bit weird albeit still fun
But it is his way of creating a sense of excited anticipation
To give you a taster of what’s to come
And let’s not forget; throw in a little audience participation
Like every artist he has a particular key
That he tackles most proficiently
He likes playing instruments in F. It warms the very cockles of his heart
But he finds it easier to sing in F sharp.
I’ve just got to say that I think he is so fucking rock
To sing about controversial things such as religion and nuns who need cock
But you know what I recently heard?
He thinks of himself as a fucked-up, little, try-hard, wannabe rock 'n' roll nerd
As much as he hates to admit it, he’s just a normal guy too
He sings of his “Inflatable You”
He loves to have a private party
With his synthetic Felicity
And he also has one wish
That he hadn’t written about his favourite but intimately private fetish
It’s not the only time that his creativity has led
To him revealing more than he’d originally intended
While singing about his thoughts on women’s rights
His inner bloke to break out, fights
And in the end there is no choice but, on to breasts, the subject must now go
Which leads Tim to confess “Fuck, I love boobs though.”
He also has a habit of concealing his anger and other emotions
They build up and then away with him, his mouth runs
He was once told to express himself through poetry
But ultimately (secretly) he thinks that is poofy
[Shit…maybe Ah shouldnae gie this tae him…
Ah fuck it…If nout else it should (hopefully) at least make him grin]
He has been told that time heals every wound
But there is one particular issue over which, three years later Tim is still tightly wound
Time can’t make this atrocity turn to dust
What is it? A horrible first ever press review by one shit-faced, pretentious cunt who goes by the name of Phil Daoust
[Ah’ve read it
What a pile o utter shit!!
Oh…Ah bet he thought he wis being a real bright spark
An’ that by writing that slanderous, crap excuse fir a review that he would stop this new talent frae making his mark]
He also encountered this stockbroker
Who saw himself as a bit of a joker
He bragged to Tim about all the riches and wonders he had
Which slowly made our flame-haired friend go mad
[Ah shouldnae whinge…
But Ah dinnae hae a tinge o the ginge
An’ Tim says “Only a ginger
can call another ginger ginger”…]
And he ended up with a fine for aggravated assault
On a wealthy, wealthy man with a 1981 Mitsubishi Colt
It’s not just anger that will make him shout
He’ll stand his ground on anything he’s passionate about
You will however, find
He’s not the most open of mind
He may appear insensitive or even aloof
But he’s just a guy that believes in things once, for which there is proof
Psychics, alternative medicine and God are all in there
Of spirits, an afterlife and love at first sight his scepticism, he does also declare
[Oh my!! He’s gonna think Ah’m a nutcase
Ah’m gonna shut up noo in order tae save face…
But if he ever had a bit o time tae spare Ah think it would be fun
tae hae wi him a stimulating, intelligent conversation]
He has also been known to judge a book by its cover
When, while at a dinner party he met a woman like no other
Beautiful, with sleek black hair
She sat at the table from where
Tim could see the tip of a tattoo just above her derrière
And on the mention of her star sign, Tim’s fair judgement vow took the second floor window out of there
[Ah let oot a sigh
but Ah’ll hawd masel back an’ no say why…]
One more subject, there ism
That brings out the full extent of Tim’s scepticism
To touch on it, he’ll only begin
That is religion
Tim says “Why do the devout have to be so tenacious?
Why can’t they let us make up our on minds on this?
How do they have the right to say if we’re good or bad
Just on whether or not we choose to follow the latest fad?“
[Ah agree wi ye completely
Ah thought tae think what we liked, we were free?
An’ how can someone, sout invent
only tae bring in a law tae, it prevent?]
“And as for the commandments were they taking the piss?
To forbid ten things only to seemingly retract on one of them in chapter six of Genesis”
One thing that is guaranteed to make Tim want to cuss
Is when preachers take to the streets and sing “I love Jesus”
“People like that should give up and go back home on the bus!!”
“How can you like him?” I hear you say
But he also knows how to stand his ground in a good way
I sense though, that by now you wish that you could take
A refreshing break
Luckily there is something within Tim’s shows that is integral
And that is a short interval
**************
Welcome back. Hope you are all refreshed.
In this half, the other side of Tim you will see
He will quite willingly admit to you that “I know some people have it worse than me”
Even though there are things in his life that he’s not happy about he knows its fine
“It may not be perfect but, this life is mine”
He urges us to take canvas bags to the supermarket instead of needlessly wasting plastic
Because he doesn’t know how much longer the Earth can take it
He also warns us about the over feeding of our children
And gives us a (sometimes gruesome and brutal) picture of what could happen
He also likes to, about animals sing
And he’d like to draw our attention to the fact that bears don’t dig on dancing
To the subject of religion, for a second he’d like us to return
But he’d like to help to douse some bridges which still burn
In the hope of ending the violence, he has drawn a line
Or rather penned, a peace anthem for Palestine
Love for Tim hasn’t always been fun
One love told him that she didn’t like him being so happy all the time and she needed someone with a little third dimension
But it was when Tim was wishing his luck would change somehow
That he met Sarah, who later became his wife. Shortly after their wedding he declared “Nothing can stop us now”
Tim explained to Sarah: “You grew on me.
Your effect upon me I could not foresee.
I now seem to be stuck tight to you
with some kind of emotional superglue”
[Aww…!! How romantic
an’ no, Ah’m no being sarcastic.
It’s just that ma heart tends tae fly
when Ah see romance like ye used tae get in years gone by]
“If I didn’t have you
I don’t know what our children Violet and Caspar and I would do.
If you were to for some reason, croak it
My heart would stop and my world, the floor would hit.”
but Ah’ll hawd masel back an’ no say why…]
One more subject, there ism
That brings out the full extent of Tim’s scepticism
To touch on it, he’ll only begin
That is religion
Tim says “Why do the devout have to be so tenacious?
Why can’t they let us make up our on minds on this?
How do they have the right to say if we’re good or bad
Just on whether or not we choose to follow the latest fad?“
[Ah agree wi ye completely
Ah thought tae think what we liked, we were free?
An’ how can someone, sout invent
only tae bring in a law tae, it prevent?]
“And as for the commandments were they taking the piss?
To forbid ten things only to seemingly retract on one of them in chapter six of Genesis”
One thing that is guaranteed to make Tim want to cuss
Is when preachers take to the streets and sing “I love Jesus”
“People like that should give up and go back home on the bus!!”
“How can you like him?” I hear you say
But he also knows how to stand his ground in a good way
I sense though, that by now you wish that you could take
A refreshing break
Luckily there is something within Tim’s shows that is integral
And that is a short interval
**************
Welcome back. Hope you are all refreshed.
In this half, the other side of Tim you will see
He will quite willingly admit to you that “I know some people have it worse than me”
Even though there are things in his life that he’s not happy about he knows its fine
“It may not be perfect but, this life is mine”
He urges us to take canvas bags to the supermarket instead of needlessly wasting plastic
Because he doesn’t know how much longer the Earth can take it
He also warns us about the over feeding of our children
And gives us a (sometimes gruesome and brutal) picture of what could happen
He also likes to, about animals sing
And he’d like to draw our attention to the fact that bears don’t dig on dancing
To the subject of religion, for a second he’d like us to return
But he’d like to help to douse some bridges which still burn
In the hope of ending the violence, he has drawn a line
Or rather penned, a peace anthem for Palestine
Love for Tim hasn’t always been fun
One love told him that she didn’t like him being so happy all the time and she needed someone with a little third dimension
But it was when Tim was wishing his luck would change somehow
That he met Sarah, who later became his wife. Shortly after their wedding he declared “Nothing can stop us now”
Tim explained to Sarah: “You grew on me.
Your effect upon me I could not foresee.
I now seem to be stuck tight to you
with some kind of emotional superglue”
[Aww…!! How romantic
an’ no, Ah’m no being sarcastic.
It’s just that ma heart tends tae fly
when Ah see romance like ye used tae get in years gone by]
“If I didn’t have you
I don’t know what our children Violet and Caspar and I would do.
If you were to for some reason, croak it
My heart would stop and my world, the floor would hit.”
[It’s much worse than that, would ye please in me trust
coz intae that nightmare Ah’ve been forcefully thrust.]
He has even written a song for Caspar and Violet
So that even as they grow older he reminds them not to forget
That if they find themselves miles from home and not having fun
That their family are always there for them. Waiting, drinking white wine in the sun
If by this point in his show, you feel like it’s dragged on and on
You’ll be pleased to know it’s about to end. Not with a full stop but, a colon
However, if this has left you wanting more
Tim may just treat you to a second encore
********
Hopefully now you wear a smirk which tells me you’re mildly amused
And pleased that you now have Tim’s songs going around inside your head
So that I have, successfully to the glory of Tim another person, indoctrinated
If you don’t like Tim and want to have a rant
You can always make a video and upload it to YouTube but, remember that you can’t
Afford to become too smitten
As you’ll probably get out-viewed by a cute little kitten
I hear you ask “What’s so special about him?
Can you tell us why you like Tim?”
“Of course Ah will.
His music an’ comedy wi joy, ma life does fill
His piano skills are brilliant.
Ah wish Ah kid play like that but Ah can’t
His songs are aboot a whole range o topics
An’ no just the things that he thinks will impress the critics
An’ the most important o aw the things
Nae matter what he’s singing aboot, he always tae it, some humour brings”
That’s all I have to say
So I will go away
But there is something I am forgetting…eh, eh…
Blackout. Fuck yeah!!
Written April 2009 (updated July 2009)
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